Sexsomnia
by ITILY
Summary: Sleep sex, or sexsomnia, is a condition in which a person will engage in sexual acts while still asleep. MXN. M for smut. Please R&R.
1. Prologue

Prologue

This wasn't right.

Blue eyes looked down at the mop of white hair ruffling as the younger of the two bobbed his head up and down. How on earth did it come to this? The blonde furrowed his brows, partially from confusion but mostly from holding back the pleasure he didn't want to fully give in to. This wasn't right, and the blame would be his responsibility alone for letting things get this out of hand, for not stopping the younger boy when he should've, for taking the two of them into a dream they can never wake up from. As his hazy eyes continued to gaze at the boy, who still had his eyes closed, lost, and having no idea of what he was doing, the blonde felt the bitter taste of how unfair the world was to him once again, but it was his fault truly, because he couldn't get a good handle on his emotions. He never could.

_Flashback…_

The hallways were dark and void of life, but through a small slit under a wooden door came light and the soft scribbling sound of pen on paper as Mello pulled another all-nighter. A test in two days time. It could only mean one thing-a chance to beat Near. And though all his attempts had proved fruitless before, he was nowhere near giving up, and more importantly, even if he wasn't first, he wasn't just about to give away his rank right below it just because he was slacking off. Call him obsessive, or a sore-loser, but that was just how he was made, he couldn't change even if he wanted to. But he doubt anyone else in the world would ever want to freely lose. Humans are far too greedy.

He shook his head, focusing back on the work at hand which was a question on how a cannibal had preserved his human life-stock for as long as two weeks without formalin. It seemed like a question based on chemistry and medicine, but something about it made him feel like it was a trick question. A question to distract, so that he didn't see the underlying answer, but he could just be over-thinking. He could never be sure with these tests and what L is really searching for in his successors. And this time the question was given beforehand, so there's sure to be a catch somewhere, and he sure as hell wasn't going to be mediocre by giving an answer any other ordinary student would give.

Suddenly the door creaked softly, making him jolt. Shit! Who the hell could be intruding at this vital hour? He cursed internally, striding over to the door, already prepared to throw a fist into somebody's face until he saw who was standing at the door.

"Near?" He whispered, calling the other pale boy by his name, who didn't so much as look at him, but walked passed him as if he were a ghost, making his way quietly to the bed with his socked feet.

"What the hell Near?" The blonde hissed, still standing by the door, slightly agape at Near's blatant rudeness. But the white haired boy didn't answer, it was like he was deaf to everything. Then he did something that really made the blonde gape. Slowly, his thin fingers went to the button of his pajama shirt, loosening it from the hole, then he did the same for the next.

The previously agitated blonde panicked, closing the door quickly and rushing over to the boy, catching his hands to stop him from stripping.

"What is your problem!" It was hard to control the volume of his voice. The boy pulled at his hands, wanting to get free but obviously not strong enough.

"Are you doing this on purpose! You know I have to study! I don't have time for your games!" The older boy almost yelled, shaking his lifelong rival who still had his head hung low and bangs covering his eyes.

"Look at me when I'm talking." Mello gritted his teeth, grabbing the boy's face in a manner than he knew would hurt. Blue eyes met a peaceful face with closed eyes, the younger boy's pale lips parted slightly, his breathing was like someone who was still fast asleep.

"Near?" The blonde asked warily, a sudden realization hitting him. "You're sleep-walking," he stated with a frown, letting go of the boy.

Why is this happening? And more importantly, why is it happening to him? Near couldn't have possibly chosen a worst room to step into. The boy knew the blonde hated his guts. But Mello also knew that he couldn't pin the blame on the boy, who had no way of controlling his actions in his sleep, no matter how much of a genius he was.

Mello studied the sleeping boy's face again. The boy looked so vulnerable, and he had made himself completely defenseless by walking into enemy territory. The blonde couldn't help the smirk that curled up from the corner of his lips. Perfect Near wasn't perfect. This was something even he couldn't control. Mello felt devious as he thought of the recent advantage he had acquired over the boy. He thought of all the things he could do to his nemesis, at the very least he could threatened him. That's all the things he thought he would feel, but frankly he was at a lost of the sudden power placed in his grasp, he wasn't sure if he could handle it. Why did Near had to burden him with this? There's only one explanation, the boy was playing him again.

The blonde felt his blood boil again at the thought and was about to punch the boy in the face so that he could get back to his own work, but Near suddenly moved closer and laid his head on Mello's chest. The blonde's heart skip a beat, something it wasn't suppose to do. Angry, he shoved the boy onto the bed. Near apparently done with whatever he was doing, curled to his side and went back to sleep with his shirt undone, looking absolutely at ease.

Clenching his fist till his knuckles turned white, he was surprised that he held back from hitting the boy, realizing that he really couldn't harm someone in their sleep, it was just pathetic if he did so. Getting off the bed, he decided he didn't need to deal with any of this, Near could do whatever the hell he wants in his sleep, it has nothing to do with himself. It's Near's fault for sleep-walking in the first place, even if it was subconscious. Mello sighed, Near had successfully infuriated him while being unconscious, perhaps Near was the one who had gained an advantage that night. Shaking it off, he returned to his studies, frustrated at the lost time, but sparking a new determination to be number one, no matter what sort of cards Near might pull on him.

* * *

Ok so this was just a random idea I had based completely on one word, 'sexsomnia'. I was suppose to get down to some serious book-writing business but realize I hadn't gotten over my writer's block so I sidetracked back here. Anyways, I make no promises for this, I don't really think I did a good job with the this chapter either. Haha, I can't write other stuff besides MXN properly, still have a couple of story ideas I have for this fandom, maybe I'll get to write them someday. Ok, so I'm just ranting on now, but do review and let me know what you think, reviews always make me so motivated and happy. Thank you :)


	2. Bruder

**Bruder**

"Ugh," Mello grunted as he raised his head from his forearm, stretching his tensed muscles around his neck and arms which have become numb and strained from having fallen asleep on his table once again. He looked at his clock, and noted that it was only six thirty, he smiled realizing that he had woken up before his alarm rang, somehow that made him proud of himself, that he could work this hard, it was something worth gloating about.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he suddenly remembered a very important detail he had overlooked. Near. He swiftly turned around, seeing the bundled blanket and clearly empty bed. Where did that brat go while he was asleep? Did he wake up and return to his room? Or did he just sleep-walk somewhere else?

What if he went to someone else's room? His blue eyes widened involuntarily, recalling how Near had wanted to take off his shirt when he came into his room. The blonde didn't want to imagine what would happen if someone else had found him that way. He ran a hand through his blonde locks, pissed that he cared so much. It was incomprehensible, especially since he had devoted his life to hating the boy's very being, but he still couldn't bare it if Near got hurt. He just wanted to win, fair and square, not by default, not by eliminating his competition.

Sighing heavily, he got dressed and left his room, heading down the hall to a room he swore he'd never go near. Putting on a mask of frustration, he knocked on the door twice and waited. No one answered, causing him to worry despite him wanting to believe he didn't care.

Cautiously, the blonde turned the knob, pushing the door open. He peeked inside, noting the mass of white on the ground surrounded by toys. The blonde stepped inside, walking over to the small form, crouching down to see a sleeping Near hugging his favorite stuffed bunny, the one Mello purposefully attempted to destroy by gauging its eyes out. Mello sighed once more, feeling relieved that Near was safe in his room, now he didn't have anything bugging him from focusing on his exam preparations.

Hesitating for a moment, the blonde grabbed the blanket on the bed and covered the small boy with it, careful to not startle him awake. At least the boy wouldn't be cold. He owed Near that much for what he did to the bunny, the blonde thought.

He left the room then, the longer he stayed, the more it seems as though he actually cared for the little midget, which he didn't, of course. Never.

It was hard not to stare at the albino in class after what happened last night, but still the blonde had to resist, making sure his eyes didn't wander off the teacher who was stressing on and on about how important the test tomorrow was and how everyone should give it their best. Mello wanted to scowl, as if he needs someone telling him that, he probably knows the gravity of this exam better than the teacher himself.

By the time class was over, the blonde felt like he was all pumped up for the test again, his goal was set and nothing was going to come in between him and his prize. And then it was ruined when Near turned around and looked him in the eye, making the blonde gulp. No way, why did he have to get nervous?

Angrily, he scoffed at the boy, "What are you looking at?"

Near blinked his large gray eyes at the blonde. "I should ask you the same thing," the boy answered coolly, twirling a lock of his hair.

"Are you insinuating me of something?" Blue eyes narrowed dangerously at the smaller boy.

"I was simply curious as to why you were staring at me during class," Near remained apathetic.

Mello smirked, "Why? Did I make you nervous?" He inched a little closer to the boy's face, who stayed firmly in place, not the least bit intimidated.

"Hardly," Near countered easily.

Mello's left eye twitched, annoyed that Near could act as if nothing had happened after disturbing his precious study hour. And to think he even went as far as to search for the boy, he was disgusted at himself. Of course, Near's just a robot, he didn't understand human kindness, he didn't deserve kindness, the blonde thought bitterly.

"Whatever Near," Mello dismissed, "I've got better things to do than play games with you."

The small boy opened his mouth but closed it again because the blonde had already left the room before he could finish what he wanted to say.

Mello reviewed the piece of paper over and over, memorizing each word. His strategy was solid, perfect even, and he was sure that this time he would finally come out on top and be number one. He was almost there, almost, he just had to make sure he got all the details down and stored safely in his head for the test. Furrowing his brow, he decided to review all his notes one more time when the door opened suddenly.

Blue eyes widened, partly from shock of the situation and partly from his own stupidity for making such an obtuse mistake of not locking the door. Not today, he thought, rushing over to the door, but again he was surprised by how fast the puppet-like child could move.

"No way! Get the hell out Near!" He shouted, not even bothering if he was waking up the floor. "Wake up! I don't have time to take care of you! Wake up!" He yelled, shaking the boy's shoulder who just grunted softly, forcing himself closer to the blonde and finally wrapping his arms around the black-clad boy. This small gesture completely deflated Mello, cooling the blonde into a nostalgic state.

"Please…" Near whispered, further reminding the blonde of the things he once lost.

"_Bruder, bitte.." begged his weak innocent voice. _

The pale boy clung on to the older boy, trembling as a few tears rolled down his chubby cheeks, crying silently. What a dirty trick, Mello thought sourly, his body betraying him, going into autopilot mode. The part of him which he had tried so hard to lock away had finally found its way back to into his system and he couldn't stop himself from embracing the boy tightly in his arms.

"Shh," he hushed, stroking the mass of curly white hair, slowly leading the boy towards the bed and resting him on the pillows.

Near's eyes remained close as tears ran down his face, still refusing to let go of the blonde. "Papa…" he muttered, his usually blank face showing just a hint of pain and discomfort. Mello soothed him again, running his hand through Near's hair, telling the boy everything was going to be alright.

It must've been a good thirty minutes and Near still wouldn't let go of Mello, holding on the blonde's waist with an iron grip. Under normal circumstances, Mello would've gone berserk for wasting so much time on one person before an exam, especially when that person was Near, but the boy in his helpless state had opened Mello's heart to the one emotion he had long since cast aside. Here, with someone who sincerely needed his care lying in his arms, suddenly the papers on the table seemed trivial, the exams, the competition, even the title of L, all of it became insignificant and he wasn't even bothered that he felt that way. All he wanted more than anything was to be absorbed into the peace he felt next to Near's warmth and rest soundly for once.

"_Bruder.."_

* * *

First of all, for those who know German, I'm awfully sorry for any incorrect use of the language. I don't speak German after all. And I also apologize for the short chapter, although I have said that I make no promises for this story. Still, I think everyone who reviewed, fav, or alerted this story. Anyways, please let me know what you think and I hope this was a good read :)


	3. Decapitated

**Decapitated**

Mello laid on his sheets, sprawled out with a big grin of relief.

Finally, the test was over.

The blonde smiled, rolling around with his pillow in his arms. But his smile quickly turned serious when he thought about the test again. He had done all that he could given what he had, cracked his head up preparing for days, but somehow it always felt like it wasn't enough. And this time he knew exactly where he fell short at. He cringed, a shiver running down his spine when he remembered it. It was only just a moment, maybe not even that, but he thought of him, he thought about Near, and not in the sense of competition, instead he had the fleeting feeling of concern for the boy, wondering if he was doing alright after crying for the night. And just in that moment, Mello lost a sense of who he was in the world, the violent competition was set aside for something he was afraid to even think of.

No, he mustn't, he must never think of that again.

"_Bruder…"_

He shuddered, shaking his head and willing himself to think of something else, and to his dismay his mind fell back to Near again. He sighed, digging out a chocolate bar from his drawer to munch on, feeling slightly calmer. Resting his head on his pillow with his eyes closed and chocolate melting in his mouth, he finally allowed himself to indulge in a little guilty pleasure. It was alright to cheat once in awhile. He thought about Near, how warm his body felt against his own, the unguarded side of himself that the boy had shown him. He wondered why on earth did Near choose him of all people to turn to, was it random or did the boy subconsciously had an inclination toward himself? It was a vain thought, one that made Mello smile, he felt special somehow and part of his sadistic side wanted to take advantage of the privilege given to him, although he knew he could never bring himself to do it.

And that was the strange thing. Something about what Near had been doing these last few nights had disarmed Mello, the blonde was completely unable to inflict any form of hurt on the boy, not like how he used to. What was this? Mello suddenly felt agitated again, feeling like he fell once again into one of Near's little ploy.

Taking a bite out of his chocolate, he had to forced himself to not get too ahead of himself. Sure, Near was smart, but Mello sincerely doubt the boy had that much control over his subconscious to carry out something that complicated, although that didn't necessarily eliminate the possibility. Blue eyes closed again, losing himself in his thoughts.

Why was Near sleep-walking? That was the biggest question the blonde had. Had the boy always sleep-walked? Is it normal? Mello thought about it, it certainly didn't feel normal, Near's demeanor while asleep seemed so extreme, did something happen to make him that way? The blonde frowned, realizing he didn't have the answers to most of his questions, he would have to do some digging tomorrow.

Covering his chocolate and placing it back in the drawer, he went under his blanket, glancing over at the clock once last time. He usually didn't sleep this late after an exam was over, but something kept him awake. He grimaced, knowing full well what it was, he was waiting for Near, and the unlocked door proved so. Mello turned to his side, facing away from the door, a feeble attempt in convincing himself that he didn't care and that Near's nightly visits were nothing but a nuisance. Biting his lip, he forced himself to fall asleep.

* * *

_His tiny body convulsed at strange angles, jolting painfully, every muscle tingled with stimulation and twisted abnormally in the most agonizing manner. His teeth gritted tightly together, unable to relax, sweat dripping down his forehead and matting his entire body. The tears wouldn't stop but he was only allowed to pander in sobs when the ordeal took a pause before his tormentor came back, another electrifying shock coursing through his veins, pumping up every neuron in his body, making the sensation feel so real and inescapable. _

"_N-No…mo-more…" the boy begged, his mouth bleeding from accidentally biting his tongue. _

"_Don't fall asleep Nate." _

Near coughed as another hard blow was thrown into his abdomen, making him hunched, and yet his face remained completely composed as he gazed up at his abuser. Furious blue eyes locked on his face, staring him down as the older boy tightened his fist, ready to deliver the next blow. The boy would have been lying if he said he hadn't expected such treatment from Mello after the results were published, since time after time, he has come out on top, further fueling the blonde's hatred for himself. Near had expected it, counted on it, and welcomed the abuse with open arms.

He was sick, he knew he was, but looking into those pools of hate, hurt, anger and lost, that despair and anguish, all the emotions that play across those azure eyes directed straight onto him, he was able to feel the warmth that envelop his heart and the familiar feeling that he had once lost long ago.

"How the hell did you beat me?" A forceful punch was rammed into the side of his cheek, tearing his lip. Blood was already running down his nose and chin, but his face was placid and he said nothing, merely accepting whatever the blonde gave as a gift. He knew exactly what to do to get under Mello's skin, and that was to show nothing, that way he would always come back, begging for more. That was how it was with _him _as well_. _

"It's your fault, you did this on purpose! You came into my room and-" The blonde shouted but suddenly cut himself off, his eyes bulging.

Near too became slightly stunned at what the blonde was suggesting, wondering what the older boy was getting at. Instead of feeding his curiosity, he decided he didn't want to lose what he was having now, "Mello is making preposterous accusations," he provoked. He could have said something to save his situation but he intentionally ignited a new flame in the blonde, craving for the bittersweet emotions that only Mello could grant him.

"You ungrateful bastard!" Mello was uncontrollable, kicking the boy over and over until he crumpled to the ground, heaving heavily.

Black orbs looked up weakly, watching Mello's angry face. Something was wrong, Near realized, Mello wasn't himself today, but it was too late. Before he could stop the older boy, a large tearing sound resonated throughout the room and his bunny fell to the floor, decapitated. He couldn't hide his shock no matter how hard he tried, it was like his face became frozen with that expression.

Mello looked down at him and in that split moment, the look of satisfaction on the blonde turned into an alarmed one when he saw how the boy was looking up at him. At that moment, the two of them connected more than they ever did with their words, and they both understood simultaneously that something terrible was in store for them.

* * *

Hello everyone, I'm sorry for the short chapter again, but I guess it'll do in exchange for a quick update. I'm incredibly into this story right now, plus I've been reading nothing but yaoi manga lately, so I'm super 'high' on boy love, I can barely control what's spurring out of me, so I apologize if the story seems rushed or insensible anywhere. Anyways, much love for those who reviewed, fav or alerted again. Please review on this chapter as well, it makes me high and boost my creativity, it's scientifically proven, lol. Anyways, enjoy and thanks again! :)


	4. Fit

**Fit**

Mello ran, rushing down the hallways, straight into his room, locking the door, barricading himself in his safe haven. The sound of his breath, rapid and loud, rang in his ears, along with his overwrought heartbeat. He had lost his cool and done something reckless, but he knew that he could do so much worst if he hadn't escape when he did. He scrambled for a chocolate bar, tearing the foil and biting a large chunk out of it, not even caring if it choked him, he needed to do everything he could to calm down immediately, but nothing seems to be working. He vaguely thought of perhaps calling Roger for help, but his pride shot down that idea before it could even develop.

What to do? What to do? He couldn't get his blood pressure down, his head felt like it were ready to explode. Suddenly the image of Near's expression came into mind again, making the blonde yell, pulling his hair. Any expression, but that! Why did Near have to look at him that way?

"_Mama! Mama! Rette mich!" The tiny boy who had barely grown out of being a toddler begged, screaming through tears, blood and sweat as he looked up at the blonde towering over him. The boy hunched over and bowed down on his knees, begging for him life, begging for mercy which the blonde could not offer. _

The blonde hit the punching bag that laid on the floor, the one L had prepared for occasions such as this. But the more he hit, the more he felt the tear of skin under his fist, the more he heard the sound of screams and the crowd cheering him on.

"_Ihn zu toten! Ihn zu toten! Ihn zu toten!" the crowds cheered. _

Mello felt like a monster once again, a beast that couldn't be controlled, his one sole purpose was to kill or be killed. Near's face came into his head again, those wide gray orbs, the look of shock and anguish in them. He had hurt the boy, he knew that for sure. Everything was his fault again, always, always, always!

"AH!" He yelled in a fit, clamping his ears shut, a few angry tears escaping the corners of his blazed blue eyes.

"_Ihn zu toten!"_

"Mello? Are you in there?" Someone knocked on the door, pulling the frantic blonde back to his senses, just in time before he finally gave out and snapped. Mello had to take a second to remember to breathe again, looking to the door, wondering if he had heard right.

"Mello?" The person on the other side of the door tried again, more inquisitive this time since Mello had finally stopped screaming. "Mello, are you alright? I heard screaming," it was Matt, Mello had finally been able to recognize the voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just stepped on a nail. What's up?" the blonde said after taking a deep breath, quickly building up his broken composure. But part of him already started to worry about Matt's reason for being there, it wasn't very often that anyone came to find him at his room unless it meant he was in some kind of trouble and they were going to drag him up to see Roger. He was in no shape to face anyone at the moment, much less Roger. Had Near ratted him out? What kind of trouble would he get into this time?

"The boys are going to start their match soon, are you coming?" Matt asked from outside, pressing his ear to the door, trying to listen in on the blonde and guess what on earth could be taking place on the other side of the door.

Oh right, soccer. Mello had completely forgotten about that with much more important matters circulating his mind. "No, I won't be going today, hurt my foot when I stepped on the nail," he made an excuse on the spot.

"Oh ok, I'll tell the others that then. You should get that foot checked," Matt replied, accepting Mello's excuse, finally scurrying off to join the others on the field, leaving Mello alone again.

The blonde sighed relieved, he wasn't in trouble, yet, but he was sure it was coming his way soon enough. He thanked Matt internally for coming at that time, he really needed a wake up call, or who knows how far gone he would have been.

Lying down on his punching bag with his knuckles swollen from hitting so hard, Mello felt drained and empty, but he couldn't quite sleep since the adrenaline was only starting to get washed out of his system. He was afraid to close his eyes, because every time he did he saw Near's face and that look he had, and he would see all the faces of the innocent little boys he killed without a second thought, it wasn't all his fault, and he knew that no one really blamed him, he was a victim after all, victim to the fight and bloodshed, victim to the drugs, victim to the violence he couldn't control, still, at the end of the day the blood was in his hands, and it was then that he didn't feel much like a victim. He hated Near for making him feel this way, but most of all he hated himself.

* * *

It's ticklish…

Something wet and cold touched Mello's skin, and on his neck at that, making him squirm uncomfortably, the sensation traveled up his neck all the way to his ears, slick and slimy, tickling him. Somehow it made him feel dirty, what was it? Was this some strange dream? The thing, whatever it was, went down to his stomach, dipping into his bellybutton, making him laugh, his eyes snapping wide open, staring at Near on all fours, licking his abdomen and what's more, the boy was butt naked.

"Near!" the blonde yelped, pushing the boy off him, wiping the saliva that coated his body. "What the hell are you doing?" Mello demanded, even though he knew Near couldn't possibly answer in the state that he was in.

"Papa…" Near begged, crawling over to the blonde, sitting on his right thigh, despite Mello's efforts to push him away. Slowly, the boy started rubbing himself on the older boy's thigh. Mello, to his dismay, finally saw what was poking up between Near's legs-an erection. The blonde went stiffed, shock at everything that was happening.

Carefully, Near took Mello's shaky hand and placed it on his erection, moving his body into Mello's palms. "No Near…This is wrong.." the blonde fought weakly, feeling tears welding up in his eyes.

"Papa…" Near moaned as Mello closed his eyes, trying to shut out this awful nightmare, this wasn't happening, Near wasn't doing this to him. Mello opened his eyes again, watching Near, his eyes closed, his face flushed, but even through all that, his wounds that Mello inflicted earlier in the day was conspicuous, there was a bruise on his lip and his belly was an angry red from where Mello had kicked him. Was this his punishment for hurting the boy? If it was, Near was more cruel than Mello ever gave him credit for. Mello had been through a lot of shit in the past, losing his family, human trafficking, being put in fights, but this was by far the worst and most scarring experience. No one had ever hurt him the way Near was hurting him now.

Tears finally rolled down from his blue eyes as Near came into his hand, the boy panting and relaxing into Mello's arms. And Mello despite what Near had just done, was still able to welcome the boy into his arms. Don't ask him why, because he didn't know, or more like he didn't want to know.

Mello leaned against the wall, with Near in his lap, wiping the semen on his pants, he nestled his face into Near's tousled white hair, inhaling his mint scent. Grabbing Near's shirt, he draped it over the boy's shoulder to prevent him from catching a cold.

Why did you do this Near? Mello found himself thinking again. Why did it hurt me so much? I don't care, I really don't, so why? I don't get this at all. The blonde thought back to all the times he hurt Near again, this seemed like a pretty square way of getting even. Was that what Near was aiming for? Is this all just about revenge? Not just from Near, but is the universe getting back at him? Is this punishment from above? He had to stop himself before he got another fit, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry Near," He whispered inaudibly as a last resort.

Near as if hearing him in his sleep, smiled and whispered back, "Mello…"

* * *

Sorry once again for the long wait, I didn't realize how much time had passed, but I'm glad to make another update, after coming home from the city. I'm not really sure how popular this story is, or how good it is, but I promise to keep writing and delivering a story no matter what. Anyways, I'll try to make my updates more frequent as well. Please let me know what you guys think. Review and enjoy! :)


	5. The Infirmary

**The Infirmary**

Mello stepped into the office heavily, wishing he was anywhere but here right now. Roger had his hands folded, looking down at the table but there was nothing on it, Mello had to wonder if the old man had fallen asleep. Hopefully he was.

"Mello," the old man started, already wearing a disapproving look.

"Roger," the boy managed to acknowledge, trying not to roll his eyes.

"I'm sure you know why I've called you here today," Roger dived right in.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he feigned ignorance.

"Near," the name made him grimace. "He's in the infirmary." Mello just stood there without saying a word, as if it had nothing to do with him whatsoever.

"Mello, you shouldn't make Near your enemy. What you did wasn't right," Roger said firmly.

"I didn't do anything to him! Why am I always to blame?" the blonde suddenly snapped, it surprised Roger and even himself. Why was he so on edge about this? This wasn't him. He felt like control was slipping out of his hands like dust in the wind.

Roger's eyes stayed on the boy, waiting for him to calm. "Have you calmed down?" he asked after awhile, watching Mello's breath slow down but not by much. "What's wrong Mello?" the caretaker pushed his glasses up, studying the boy more closely.

Mello clutched his shirt tightly at his chest, wincing, causing Roger to get up from his seat. "Are you alright?" The blonde quickly put up a hand, stopping the man from approaching him. "I-I'm fine," he panted, straightening himself up.

"How long has it been going on?" Roger questioned, still standing. "You need help Mello."

"I said I'm fine!" He shouted, feeling a pang in his chest, he pressed a fist on it, hoping to subdue the pain.

"You should see Dr. Wills," the old man offered, walking over to the boy.

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" He yelled, pushing Roger away. "I'll be fine if everyone just leave me the hell alone!"

"Mello, if you're going to act this way, I have no choice but to call L."

Blue eyes widened, turning to glare at his caretaker. "I'm fine," he said through gritted teeth, forcing himself to regain composure. "I don't need any help, I can take care of myself," he finished, somehow recovering his senses.

"You might think that," Roger went back to his seat. "But what you did to Near is unacceptable and with your behavior earlier, it's clear that you do indeed need help." What he did to Near was unacceptable? What about what Near had done to him? All the unpunished sins, why was Near left to walk while he took the fall? Mello thought furiously, narrowing his eyes.

"I want you to help Near with the lessons he missed while he was in the infirmary and you'll be in charge of taking care of him until he's well again, in addition to that, I want you to meet Dr. Wills," Roger's tone was final.

"Why are you punishing me?" Mello clenched his fist.

Roger sighed. "It's not punishment Mello. Please realize that we are all here to help you. None of us mean you any harm, we just want what's best for you. Please stop making us your enemies."

"Whatever," He muttered, exiting the room. Walking back to his room, he slumped back down on the door, burying his face in his hands. No one was his enemy. That's right, there were no more enemies, not while he was at Whammy's. Silently, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

* * *

All the chocolate in the world couldn't sweetened the bitterness of what he was about to do. Sharing with Near. The notion alone made his eye twitch. But he had to do this, to prove to Roger and more importantly, prove to himself, that he still had his head on his shoulders. That he was indeed still capable of control.

He pushed the curtain aside, revealing a small boy lying on the bed. Near was frighteningly pale, looking like a corpse on the bed. He didn't even looked like he was breathing. Panicking slightly, Mello checked the boy's wrist for a pulse. It was there.

"Mello?" Near's hoarse voice startled the blonde who quickly pulled his hand away, embarrassed.

"Roger told me to come," Mello made it clear just how much he didn't want to be there.

"Why?" Near asked, sincerely quizzical.

"I'm just here to fill you in on today's lessons," the blonde stated flatly.

"Oh," there was a hint of surprise in Near's voice, just shows how ridiculous Roger's request had been, even Near couldn't fathom it.

"Yeah so lets get down to it, I have a lot of other work to attend to," Mello huffed.

"Alright, but before that, can you pass me that plastic bag over there?" Near pointed to the ones tied to the table. Mello handed one over and what happened next left the blonde absolutely speechless. Near vomited into the plastic bag, hacking and coughing. It was something so bizarre and abnormal that Mello didn't know what to think, Near was human, a thing that spits out vomit, such a thing, it shouldn't be happening.

Near panted, wiping his mouth with a cloth beside the bed, then suddenly he gagged again, vomiting for a second time into the same bag. Mello unable to think properly, patted Near gently on the back. Finally, after barfing for a third time, Near was able to breath again, wiping his mouth.

"H-Hey, you okay?" Mello asked uncertainly.

"Yes, thank you. Can you please dispose of this in that bin?" Near gestured to the small metal bin next to the table, sealing off the bag. Mello did so, taking notice that the bin was already half full with three other bags. Near was sick, really sick and it unnerve the blonde.

Tiredly, Near lay back down on the bed, taking a deep breath. He reached for the cup on the table with a shaky hand. "You're going to spill that all over yourself," Mello frowned, taking the cup and placing a straw in it, allowing Near to sip from it. Near finished drinking and laid back on the pillow, closing his eyes.

"Don't sleep, we have work to do," Mello disrupted, opening his notebook.

Near looked at him with his deep dark gaze, obviously exhausted. "Mello, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"Don't make stupid excuses for your own laziness," the blonde spat.

"I won't tell Roger."

Blue eyes narrowed. "I'm acting out of grace for you, show some gratitude, or is it you'd rather drop out of the competition?"

"You don't have to act so guilty Mello. I'm sick from food poisoning." How Near could say such a blatant lie without even blinking was beyond Mello. What was the point in even saying something that they both knew was false? Near was sick because Mello made him sick. It's not hard to imagine those kicks Mello laid into Near's gut breaking a few cords in the fragile boy. Was Near taking him as a fool? Near's attempt to make the blonde less guilty was only making him feel more ashamed of what he had done and it infuriated him to no end.

"I'm sorry," Near's voice suddenly cleared the storm inside him.

Blue eyes blinked at the boy who wore the same placid expression as always. "What for?" Mello asked suspiciously.

"It has always been the same reason. For making you angry." Near's eyes grew remorseful, even sad, his gaze piercing Mello's skin and flesh into his beating heart.

It's aggravating how easily Near seem to see right through Mello, always reading him like an open book. But something bothered Mello, just as something was bothering Near, had they finally seen through each other? Mello pressed his nails into his palm. Did Near recall what happened the night before? Things had gotten out of hand, it was more Near's fault than his, so why did he feel so unbearably guilty?

"Mello, what's wrong?" the boy asked sincerely, almost like a mother, his bare eyes seem to hold a hint of warmth in them. The blonde just shook his head, shutting his eyes. "I can help," Near tried, "Let me help you." Thin pale fingers graced the other's hot skin, there was nothing more that Mello wanted than to lean into his soothing touch, but instead the older boy pulled away abruptly.

"Enough with your games! Y-You're killing me!" Mello shouted angrily, throwing his notebook at Near. "Learn it yourself, I'm done with this hell!" And he stormed out.

* * *

Hello everyone, I'm back with an update, sorry for my lateness, I've been working on my other story. I'm glad to put out a slightly longer chapter. I hope this was enjoyable, and hopefully in character. Please leave a review, that would make me really happy. Until next time. Thank you :)


	6. Cake and Scrambled Egg

**Cake and Scrambled Egg**

There had been a time when he was normal, where had that time gone?

Near sighed, his eyes and mind had grown heavy but sleep just wouldn't find him. He wished for his stuffed bunny, the only thing that ever managed to put him to sleep. Sadness filled him as he pictured it without its head attached. It had been such a lovely toy that loyally stood by his side during the nights but look what has happened to it. It was the only thing his mother ever gave him. If he held it close enough, he could still remember her soft embrace and the smell of her hair.

_Mother…_

She had been such a fragile woman. Her mind had been sick for a long time but Near genuinely believed that she had loved him, an earnest, pure love that was free from that illness. He remember the times he sat in her lap while she was in her wheelchair and she would stroke his hair, singing a tune using his name.

"_Nate…He's sweet as cake…and scrambled egg…because he's my little Nate…" the pallor woman sang quietly, her eyes shined like those of a child as her shaky hand ran through the boy's hair. The boy just smiled, listening to her honey voice, trying to hum along with her. _

He cringed, the memory hurting him now that he knows that he'll never be able to sing along with her again and that her only parting gift had been destroyed. He has had too many things taken away from him, soon there'll be nothing left, then what was the point of living anymore? Why did Mello have to do something so horrible to him? And yet strangely he found himself more drawn to the violent boy who reminded him so much of his father. Something was wrong with him, why did he enjoy his own suffering? Shutting his eyes tightly, he curled up into a fetal position, afraid that the world would sneak up on him and take what little was left that held him on to sanity.

Sleep wasn't going to be possible tonight.

* * *

Roger walked into the infirmary, sitting down next to Near's bed. It had still been early so he didn't think the boy was awake yet and he didn't think he should wake the boy since he was only here to check on how he was doing, but Near's eyes were blinking sluggishly as he stared at the dull green curtains.

"Near? Are you awake?" he asked softly.

"Good morning Roger," Near answered monotonously.

"Morning Near," the old man smiled. "How are you feeling today? Did you sleep well?"

Near stiffened at the question. He couldn't possibly let Roger know that he had been awake for the entire night. It would just cause unnecessary concern, and he hated getting himself in a hassle.

"Yeah, I'm fine. When can I leave?" Near questioned coldly.

Roger paused before replying. "We'll have the doctor inspect you first before deciding that," the man answered honestly.

"I don't want to miss any more classes," the boy said, annoyed by the situation and how the people around him were being overbearing. He felt fine, he didn't need the doctor or Roger telling him what he already knew.

"Don't worry about that, I've asked Mello to help. He came yesterday, right?" Roger's tone was already expectant. Near had to wonder what the man had used against the blonde to make him agree to his terms.

"This is a bad idea Roger," Near came out bluntly.

Roger's wrinkles moved as the man furrowed his brows but he remained silent.

"Is this a form of punishment?" The boy's eyes hardened at his caretaker.

Roger sighed tiredly. "The two of you…Why would you think that?"

"I told you, it was food poisoning, please stop involving Mello in my personal matters."

"Near," Roger called gently, "that is not what this is about."

"Then, what is it about?" It was hard to hide his irritation.

"Near," Roger said his name in a way that made him feel like an infant. "You need to have more faith in us. You know, it's alright to let us know if something is bothering you. I said this to Mello as well, we're here to help you, please realize that. You don't have to bear all your burdens alone and you certainly don't deserve to live with hurt."

"He didn't hurt me," Near defended causing Roger to shake his head.

"I'm sorry Near, I don't know how else to make you understand. It's alright, please just remember that I'm always here if you ever need help," Roger said, getting up and leaving the room.

Near felt his heart tightened in his chest. There was something that he didn't comprehend. What was it? A lump form in his throat when he thought of how Roger might've finally noticed his sick inclinations towards Mello. Roger was offering help, did the man think Near needed help to fix his awful intentions and twisted thoughts he had for the blonde?

He suddenly felt very sick, quickly reaching for a bag, just in time before he puked again.

* * *

Mello strode into the room with an air of arrogance and sat down on the soft seat, trying to act ten years older than what he actually was.

"Good afternoon Mello, it's been quite awhile, hasn't it?" the pretty lady greeted from the other side of the table that separated them as doctor and patient.

"Afternoon," he replied curtly, hating his situation.

"So, how have you been lately?" Dr. Wills leaned closer, smiling cheerfully as she always did.

"Fine," he said, keeping his answers to one word length.

"No problems of any sort?" the doctor pressed.

Mello tried his best not to scowl at her, simply answering a no would suffice.

"Alright," the doctor looked down to her papers and started scribbling some words down. It was strange how much she had to write considering how short Mello's answers were.

"I talked to you about medication during your last visit, have you given that any thought?" she inquired.

His jaw tightened instantly. "I don't need it," he answered firmly.

"You need help though Mello," Oh here it comes. "Without medication or any proper outlet for your anger, I'm afraid for you and those around you."

"Roger is overreacting. It's not like I've killed somebody," he rolled his eyes.

The doctor looked at him sternly, her lips pressed in a hard line. "But you could Mello, that's the problem."

"I won't!" he yelled, standing up.

"How sure are you? When you have this little control over yourself," the doctor frowned at him.

The blonde then realized how rapid his breathing and heartbeat was. He hadn't even noticed that he had stood up with his fist clenched at his sides, ready to take a swing at the nearest thing next to him.

"I'll start you with a low dose of Xanax to see how well you cope with it," Dr. Wills started writing on a small slip.

"I won't take it," he refused stubbornly.

"Please pass this slip to Roger and I'll see you in one week," she finished, passing the slip over to the boy.

"There won't be a next time!" He growled, not taking the paper, instead he turned and exited the room furiously.

* * *

Once again, I cannot stress how sorry I am for short chapters and late updates but it's great to finally post a new chapter. This was sort of a filler I guess. Anyways, I hope this was good. Please review for more! :)


	7. Laufen

**Laufen**

The little transparent plastic bag lay on the floor. Through it, blue eyes could see those taunting green pills watching him, it was as if they were mocking him. Truly it was an insult, the second in line to succeeding L's title was sick in the head and those tiny tablets were solid proof that there was something wrong with him. He hated it, there was no words to express how much he hated Roger, the doctor and how he was feeling right now.

Furiously he stepped down hard on the bag again, hoping to crush the pills into dust. He was probably acting like a child throwing a tantrum but he didn't care anymore. He made sure to make as much noise as possible so that no one else would get sleep tonight. Maybe he could even get Roger to come up to his room, although the boy had to wonder what else the old man could possibly do to him, surely there wasn't any punishment worst than the one he was receiving now.

Did they really think they could make him take this? He thought, lying down on the floor, still thumping on the pills, they were harder than they looked, it hurt to hit them, but he didn't care, he was rebelling after all.

He heart cringed as he took in the full extent of his situation, a boy on the ground, refusing to take his medication. He felt like he had fallen from grace somehow. His vision became blurred as the thought infected his mind.

Getting depressed or angry was futile, he knew it was, emotions were nothing but a hindrance in his goal to being number one, and yet he couldn't get rid of this one weakness that has caused him so much trouble time and time again.

"Get up, you need to study," he tried to push himself but it was useless, his body wouldn't obey, lying limply on the floor. They were suppose to sit for another mock test next week, but he was a mess, he was afraid he couldn't get himself fixed in time to prepare for it. What would happen then? Would he fail? What if he couldn't even be number two anymore? Near would probably laugh if he saw how pathetic the blonde had become, though Mello had reasons to doubt it, since the younger boy was always so distant, it would be more realistic to say that the boy would just forget he ever existed and continue being number one, which would be even more horrible than the first.

_Don't forget me…_

Suddenly, the door creaked open, causing Mello to perk up. He was an idiot to get so hopeful but he couldn't help himself. Quietly, socked feet dragged themselves into the room, shutting the door close. Mello had to wonder when Near had picked up that habit since he never used to do that before.

The small boy made his way over to the blonde on the floor, coming to hug the older boy around his neck. Blue eyes studied the other's sleeping face, feeling at ease to see those usual blank orbs not staring him down.

"Near," he sighed contently, wrapping his arms around the boy, nuzzling his face into the fluffy mop of hair. This was what he needed right now, this was the Near he wanted by his side, the one who would hold him without a word, who wouldn't judge him or ridiculed him but comforted him gently in a warm embrace. Part of him wanted to hate getting so comfortable around Near, even if he was asleep, but that fuzzy feeling in his chest prevented him from pushing the boy away.

Mello remembered his brother again, the little boy he vowed to protect, the one he failed to fulfill. He wondered where his brother was now and imagined the boy holding on to him like this if he were still alive today.

_Gunshots flared through the snowy air. They seem to be coming from everywhere. The two blondes ran as fast as they could straight ahead into the woods, their feet freezing in the snow and vapor stealing heat from their bodies. The older of the two took the lead, tugging his little brother by the hand, the hand that was getting harder and harder to pull along but there was no stopping yet. _

"_Bruder! Bruder!" the little boy called after his brother. _

"_Laufen Marcel! Laufen!" the blonde yelled, almost dragging his brother. A crimson red trail followed them as they fled further into the woods. _

"Marcel," the blonde whispered.

Near as if catching his voice, looked up, gracing the blonde's lips with his own. Mello jolted backward, taken by surprise. His heart was pounding like mad in his chest as his entire body began to burn just from a kiss.

It was his first kiss and though he's not the sentimental kind, he couldn't help the lingering feeling as if Near just won again.

The boy inched closer again, Mello could already predict what was going to happen next. He knew he should avoid it, but part of his mind was also contradicting him at the same time and while he was battling it out internally, Near stole another kiss from him.

Near's tongue slid over Mello's lower lip, asking for entrance but there was where the blonde had to put his foot down, tugging away, this was all getting too out of hand. The boy, dissatisfied, closed the distance between their lips again, while his cool fingers went under Mello's shirt, making it all the way up to his chest.

"Near stop!" the blonde scolded, grabbing the boy's wrists.

The younger of the two struggled and stumbled back with Mello falling on top of him. The blonde blushed a deep shade of red with their position but at the same time, he couldn't help himself from admiring the way Near looked underneath him. His white hair sprawled out like a halo and his peaceful face in slumber. Suddenly he wasn't recalling his dead brother anymore but he was looking at Near as he was and the boy was beautiful.

"You really do look like a girl," he commented, cupping the boy's face.

Slowly and almost involuntarily, he met their lips once more, feeling Near's heat seeping into his body with the contact. Mello abruptly pull away, regaining his senses before he fell in too deep.

_This is bad, really bad, I think I'm_…the blonde cut off his train of thoughts, not even daring to finish.

Blue eyes narrowed at the boy lying on the ground, it was not his fault, not completely, but the blonde needed someone to blame and Near was right there in front of him to take it. Now he also needed someone to feel the same turmoil he was feeling. A sick idea formed in his head then.

* * *

I can't apologize enough for this super short chapter but I've been quite tired lately and writing my other works a lot, my head's not really thinking straight at the moment. But I felt it important for me to get this out at least by weekly updates, so here you go. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, albeit a little short. Please let me know what you think, reviews would really make me happy. Thanks again :)


	8. Just The Two of Us

**Just The Two Of Us**

Something's not right, Near realized the moment he woke up. He tried to move but he only met walls obstructing him from every side. Opening his eyes, he caught sight of a thin ray of light seeping through the wooden enclosure, a small mercy shining through the dark cage he was placed in. He was trapped, it was plain to see, in some kind of crate he assumed.

What happened? Had he been kidnapped? It was a possibility but the percentage of it wasn't high, considering Whammy's security measures. It wouldn't even make sense that someone would kidnap him, even if he was the closest in line to succeed L, he wasn't L, he was just another orphan, he couldn't be worth that much. If it really was a kidnap, then the perpetrators had to be incredibly stupid if they think they could use him to threatened L or ask for ransom. At that thought, Near was starting to hope it was a kidnap, because that means there was nothing to worry about, he knew exactly what to expect, how to act, the outcome was almost certain, L would find him somehow and he would be walking back into Whammy's soon enough, maybe he could even get a chance to speak to L.

If only that were the case, but this matter didn't seem so simple. Whoever locked him up did it without him having any memory of it at all, which was something Near took very seriously. Did someone put something in his food? That would explain it, but then that would mean it was an insider. If that was true, then the safety of Whammy's inhabitants has been compromised. Somehow though, he didn't think that was the case, or at least he didn't believe there'd be a spy competent enough to do the job.

So what was it then? As he thought, the little voice at the back of his mind that had been whispering silently to him the answer was getting harder to ignore.

Mello.

A sigh escaped his lips. Of course, there was no one else who had the motives and the capabilities as his to carry out something like this.

"My dear Mello," he murmured.

How on earth did Mello manage to put him in a crate without waking him up? For once, he couldn't think of anything. Had Mello finally found something he could use against the boy? Near imagined the victorious smirk plastered on the blonde's face as he carried out his little plan. Sighing, the pale boy allowed a small smile to curl up from the corner of his lips. As long as Mello is happy, he didn't mind a little discomfort.

* * *

Blue eyes smiled at the old man sitting at the desk. Roger was really starting to look like a prune, Mello thought absentmindedly. He was called in a lot sooner than he had anticipated, it didn't matter though, nothing Roger said was going to spoil his perfect mood.

"Mello, where is Near?" Roger demanded.

Mello had to admit he wasn't expecting Roger to be this harsh, but he has been pushing the old man's buttons a lot recently, maybe Roger has finally lost his patience with him.

"Excuse me?" the blonde feigned innocence.

"This is serious Mello, where is Near?" Roger's jaw tightened.

"Yeah, because it's Near right? The precious little number one, well sorry, I don't know where he is nor do I want to know. If he's gone then good riddance," Mello huffed, crossing his arms.

"Mello, how can you say that? He's a member of Whammy's just like you."

The blonde rolled his eyes. "In case you haven't notice, I hate his guts."

"Enough of this Mello, how long do you plan to keep being irresponsible? There are consequences for the way you act," Roger looked at the boy sternly, his frown so deep it could make a new wrinkle in his face.

"I didn't do anything, stop blaming me!" the blonde shouted angrily.

The room fell into silence for a short while as Roger studied the boy, taking note on how long it takes for the boy to calm down.

"You haven't been taking your medication," the old man stated with certainty.

Mello looked away annoyed, he didn't feel the need to answer to Roger, the man would just find a way make him feel small anyways.

Roger sighed heavily. "You're not very good at lying Mello."

At that, Mello whipped around and glared at the man.

"I'll overlook the other matter for now, but you have to tell me where Near is."

"I. Don't. Know." Mello answered firmly. "I'm sorry but you're barking up the wrong tree, now if you'll excuse me, I have a test to study for," the blonde finished, heading for the door.

"Mello, if you can't tell me now, we'll have an investigation on our hand, do you really want to explain your actions to L?"

The blonde bit his lips, "I told you, it wasn't me." And he walked out the door.

* * *

Mello's mood was exceptional. Finally, he was able to focus on his studies, everything felt smooth, and his mind was absorbing everything he read like a sponge. If only studying came about this easily all the time.

Opening his draw, he took out a bar of chocolate to chomp on. Screw the medications, chocolate was the only thing that could cure him. He looked out the window leisurely, watching the rain cleanse the window, it was strange to be so at peace. Why was he so happy again? Oh right, Near wasn't here. Near! Crap!

How the hell did he forget something so important?

* * *

Near curled up in the small crate, a few tears falling down his face together with the rain water. Thunder and lightning fought in the sky, he covered his mouth so that he wouldn't accidentally scream. He had always been afraid of storms, but after what his father did to him, he knew there wouldn't even be a chance of him ever overcoming the fear. Now, stuck in a little box, with the smell of mud and grass suffocating him and the rain threatening to drown him, he started to drift back into his frightening memories.

_"Mama?" the little boy knocked on the bathroom door, his mother had been inside for a long time and he really needed to use the toilet. Gently he turned the doorknob, it wasn't locked._

_A strange smell greeted him. He opened the door further, and-_

"Near?"

The boy cringed at the sudden burst of light, shivering away.

"Shh, it's okay, it's me," he didn't quite recognize the voice anymore, tears streaming down his face uncontrollably. He tried to compose himself but it wasn't working, everything looked fuzzy and sounded blurry. He felt himself being lifted up, but his muscles have gone stiffed and painful, icy needles prickled into his bones, making him tremble involuntarily. It hurt so much he wanted to scream.

"Keep quiet Near, I'm in a lot of trouble already as it is."

Who are you? Who are you? Near panicked, searching for an answer, why wasn't his mind telling him the answer.

-_and he saw a bright spark reflected off the walls._

_"Mama?" the boy called again, his heart beating fast._

_His black eyes growing wide as he saw his mother soaking in the bathtub, only her one arm and her face showing slightly, as sparks continue to flare out from the water._

_"Mama?" his meek voice shook, watching her reddened skin, and closed eyes._

The bright light from the ceiling looked so familiar, with much difficulty, he forced himself to turn his head and the first thing he saw was a bathtub. Before he could even process it, the trauma kicked in and he started screaming his head off.

"NEAR! SHUT UP!" someone yelled at him and the next thing he knew he was in hot water.

He screamed frantically, trying to get his limbs to work so that he could escape but it was useless. A hand came over his mouth, muffling him.

"Near! Relax! What the hell is wrong with you?"

That's right, he should stop screaming, it was idiotic, he was out of that crate, everything will be alright now, he told himself. Slowly he managed to stop, his screams turning into sobs. The hand over his mouth was removed and came to cup his face, making him look at a pair of blue eyes, studying him intently.

"Near? Do you know who I am?"

"P-Papa…" he answered as best he could.

He heard a sigh. "Seriously Near, if I knew you'd be like this…ugh, never mind, lets get you out of these wet clothes."

The buttons of his baggy shirt were plopped open one by one and the shirt slowly pulled down his shoulders. The gesture and the warm water was starting to make him feel peculiar. Next, his pants were pulled down, it was almost all the way down, when he started to squirm, wanting to pull the pants back on.

"What the hell!" he was scolded, but he didn't care, he mustn't let his pants get taken off, but he was too weak against the strong hand that yanked them down easily. Tears rolled down his reddened cheeks. He knew he'd be exposed now, he didn't want to be punished.

"Near, hey, it's okay," the gentle voice said, kissing him on the lips. It's a lie, he was going to get punished. A hand cupped him between his legs, making him jolt. No, no, no, no, no. It repeated in his head but he couldn't say it, he knew if he said it, there'd be an even worst fate waiting for him.

A pair of lips met his again, kissing almost chastely, so different from how papa usually does it. This is papa right? He didn't want to do it with anyone else. That's right, there's no one else left in this world now but papa, he has to be a good, obedient son and do everything just as papa says. Still sometimes silently he wonders. Why did mama have to leave? Papa's love is painful.

He arched his back as he came, panting. It felt good but he still couldn't help himself from crying. Why did it always make him feel so sad? He couldn't quite be sure.

Those lips came back to him, and fingers ran through his damp hair, making him feel like he was in both papa's and mama's embrace at once.

"Shh, Near, I'm right here, it's alright, it's just the two of us." That's right, there's no more mama now.

"Thank you, papa."

* * *

So yay, unexpectedly long chapter. Sorry for slight late update. Anyways, I've been getting reviews on whether this was angst or psychological, I didn't actually intended it to be that way, it just sort of happened I guess, since that's the kind of stuff I'm familiar with. I'm not really sure if it's a popular genre or not, but I hope I can still write stuff people want to read. Love your reviews, fav and alerts, please continue to support this story. Thank you :)


	9. Dynamic and Balanced

**Dynamic and Balanced**

Near barely blinked, cradled in Mello's arms as the two of them lie on the bed, waiting for the weather to calm. Mello felt his chest tightened each time Near called out for his father. He must be scared to death, the blonde thought guiltily. Guilt, so much of it, wrapping its tendrils around his throat, killing him softly. Why did he do what he did? He doesn't even recall the reason anymore, all he felt was regret.

The blonde had acted out of spite recklessly, little did he foresee the price he was to pay. He knew all along that he harbored feelings of hate for Near, but when did those feelings started to transform themselves into something that could be gentle, kind and dear as well?

"Near," Mello breathed in his ivory scent, still in disbelief of everything that had happened. He ran a hand through Near's locks, the same hand he used to pleasure the boy, he could still remember the sensation of having Near in that hand and hears the boy's faint voice panting in his ears. He held the boy a little closer, a feeling of want overwhelming him. He wanted Near so badly, but he didn't understand what kind of want it was, he never felt this way before and it was confusing, so much so that it was frightening. For a long time, all he knew was his want to surpass Near, but look what he was reduced to now, Near has intoxicated him again, this time with a drug he cannot awaken from.

"Papa p-please.." Near murmured in his sleep. It hurt Mello to see tears running down the boy's cheeks, knowing he couldn't be Near's father and chase away the nightmares for him, in fact he would be lucky if Near didn't take him to be the Boogeyman himself. Not knowing what to do, he started to hum an old German lullaby that he used to sing to his little brother a long time ago, hoping the tune would help.

* * *

"Good evening, Near. Mello," the voice came from the speaker as a large L displayed across the screen.

"Hey L," Mello greeted eagerly first, trying to ignore the fact that L greeted Near before him.

"Evening L, is good to hear from you," came Near's apathetic voice.

"Yes, thank you, I'm sorry if I haven't been able to keep in touch recently. How are things?"

"Great, I've been working extra hard for the coming test," Mello jumped in.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Near answered flatly.

"Is that so?" L paused, the sound of sipping could be heard. "Because I've received a rather…troubling report," L hummed. "Near, there was a certain time period between 0700 yesterday to 0550 this morning where no one could locate your whereabouts, what do you say to this?"

Mello's heart skipped a beat as the blonde tried his best to not look at Near or make any suspicious movements, L was still watching after all.

"I was studying outside," Near answered ever so easily.

"Oh, and you chose to be absent for class because of this?" L asked.

"Yes, I did," Near said.

"Alright, I see," there was another pause, causing tension to linger in the air. "Near, would you mind waiting outside for a moment, I would like to speak to Mello alone. I'll call you back after we're done."

"Alright," Near got up, leaving the room.

"You look relieved," L said, now there was only Mello left with L, this was his golden opportunity and yet he wasn't happy because he knew L wasn't going to talk to him about succeeding his title.

"What do you mean?" Mello said, finding it hard to feigned innocence in front of L, even if it was just the digital form of him.

"No meaning, just an observation," L's tone had a hint of amusement in it. "Go ahead, you can ask," L said.

Blue eyes looked confusedly at the camera. "I don't have anything to ask about," Mello answered.

"Hm, that's not true now is it?"

The blonde looked away, biting his lips. He really had no idea what L was getting at but it was starting to make him feel queasy. Was L teasing him?

"It's fine, maybe you haven't been able to put it in words yet, but I'm glad to see that your relationship with Near has improved since we last spoke."

"That's not true!" Mello quickly said, feeling his cheeks heat up. "I still hate him, I always will."

"Well, that's true, I suppose you might never really be able to get over those sort of emotions for Near," L paused, letting the words sink in. For some reason, he felt disappointed, even L admitted that things would never change.

"However, I believe that the relationship you two share is a valuable one, you just haven't been able to truly appreciate the extent of its importance. Something so dynamic and balanced, it's not easy to change."

"Why would I want to change it if it's already perfect?" Mello asked confused.

"Because you need more than perfection to live," L answered, causing the blonde to crease his eyebrows. "You're not that little boy I found in the arena anymore, but the wounds on you are far from healed, I hope for someone trustable to be by your side."

"And you think Near is this person?" the blonde shouted angrily.

"You and Near are complete polar opposites, yet you two have experienced the same pain that no one else besides the two of you can fully fathom."

Mello breathed heavily, embarrassed that he had lashed out in front of L. Everything was just so convoluted, why was L telling him these things, reinforcing the feelings he was trying to push away? Near understands him, Mello thought, because he experienced the same pain. No, not Near, L can't possibly mean that someone else shared the same horror of his past? His heart ache as he thought of someone as petite as Near being in the arena, he wouldn't even survive one round.

"You're strong and driven," L's coded voice brought him back to reality. "But you're only at your best when you have a fixed goal in front of you. Haven't you realize it yet Mello? What you are always fighting for?"

Mello's ears rang as he tried to understand what L was trying to tell him. It was all too much, he didn't want to accept the truth.

"You're still in the ring, but maybe you should take a closer look at who your opponent really is."

* * *

Hello everyone! I'm super sorry for the late update! I have been slightly disorientated because I was taking my medicine at the wrong time and couldn't get any work done. Anyways, I met with the doctor and everything should be better now. I'm sorry for the crappy chapter as well, I sort of lost my momentum a little. But anyways, I hope you guys like it, a big thank you for the reviews, favs and likes for this story, I'm happy to see people enjoying this. Thank you again :)


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